Posts Tagged ‘Guinness’

LOVE INTELLECTUALLY

24 October 2007

The greatest mistake a professional music appreciator makes, despite all his intellectual bearings, is to find a partner in life who shares the same unrivaled passion for music. You just can’t have two psychos in a relationship! One is to balance the other. But of course I am not asking you to go out there to get a woman who makes stupefying remarks as frequent as people being gunned down in the Middle East. It is common knowledge that there is a certain minimum intelligence required to make anything work and that includes relationship. Furthermore, it is worse than finding a needle in the haystack when one is looking for a woman who lists “Flowers of Shanghai” as one of her Top 5 movies and truly understands that you can’t afford to get her a birthday and Christmas present this year after buying the special, limited 3CD 40th anniversary deluxe edition of Pink Floyd’s “The Piper At The Gates of Dawn” although you already own all the songs in this newly released reissue and you are just buying it to fulfill your uncontrollable urge to own part of the history of rock ‘n’ roll!

It is every music elitist’s dream to be able to customize the woman he wants for a partner like making a mix tape for his car stereo down to the very detail of which band to like and dislike. It is because he wouldn’t want his girl to embarrass him in front of his friends by saying she likes Smashing Pumpkins when his friends know for a fact that he despise the most overrated American band from the alternative era to the bone. This will cause a stand off that makes the long going Israel-Palestine butchering of each other looks dandy and flowery. There is nothing worse in this universe and I repeat nothing worse, than to challenge an elitist’s knowledge by liking the bands that he hates because in his ears a piece of music is either good or not good, there is no such thing as preference. Preference is for weak indecisive people who take more than a second to decide whether to have milk in their tea every morning!

Before I continue, it must be noted that we can never find a woman, no matter how much she says she loves music, whose goal to have a pair of shoe for every piece of her wardrobe rates lower than the humanitarian work that have been putting in to try to wipe out poverty in this world. We have our Jimmy Page, they simply must have their Jimmy Choo!

From my past failed experiences, I have learned that there is no point pushing or educating your significant other to appreciate the significance of The Kinks‘ guitar riff on “You Really Got Me“, Joe Meek‘s maverick style of recording, The Velvet Underground‘s soundscape in “Sister Ray” and what’s not. In the end it is going to drive her away because she will feel like a failure for being unable to comprehend you and your music. How many years did you take to reach the status of being a snobbish elitist and you think you can cramp in all that in just a mere 3 years with her? Just like success, there is no shortcut in being a professional music appreciator. And if she is doing it because she loves you and not music, she already had her feet wrong in the first place. After all being said and done, it just goes to strengthen the idiom that “you don’t choose the music, the music chooses you”. You can force her to love your family but not rock ‘n’ roll, the devil’s music is divine and sacred!

I understand that every time we meet someone we are just like in a crossroad, to compromise on our stand or just out rightly discard her away because she went berserk when the DJ in the club was playing Bon Jovi‘s “It’s My Life“. From a man’s point of view I would advise you to make her drunk that night, take her home, pin her down on the floor and take her like a slut! But as your fellow music appreciator comrade my advice is, since your big head get to absorb all the intellectuals from Salman Rushdie, Stanley Kubrick and Devendra Banhart, I think you should do your smaller head a little bit more justice and fuck something more intelligent! A female Border Collie perhaps? It is still a bitch though. I am just kidding. Anyway, my take whenever I was in this crossroad was to ask myself if she is worth the compromise I was about to sacrifice and most importantly, don’t think of this question after 5 pints of Guinness or whatever your alcohol tolerance may be, your smaller head will be doing all the thinking that time.

A few years ago I would had said no woman is worth to drown your beliefs for. But as age is catching up which might had caused me to mellow down, I only have this to say… “FOOK LOVE! WITH 500 RECORDS NOW, I HAVE TO BE SERIOUS ABOUT MUSIC! I GOT NO FRIGGIN’ TIME FOR NO FRIGGIN’ WOMAN! YEAH! FOOK LOVE AGAIN! ROCK ‘N’ ROLL RULES!”